Echoes
by Gingerbread Owl
Summary: The last job Kakei sent the boys on went horribly wrong. A broken hand, splintered wood and a shattered mind, Rikuo knows he has to save Kazahaya before the memories consume them both. But xan how you fix something when you don't know what's broken? RxK
1. Mute Reminder

_**ECHOES**_

_DEDICATED TO KATY  
for lending me Legal Drug, despite being convinced I would hate it! _

Previously entitled _Broken Layers_.

I wanted to write a Legal Drug fic long before now but an original idea was long in coming but, now, at long last, it is finally here! Be prepared for much angst, enjoy, and please review!

**Disclaimer: **Legal Drug is the legal property of CLAMP. Sadly I am not one of them and therefore do not own the characters, which is such a shame because they are all so pretty… Lyrics are from _Pigs On The Wing _from the album_ Animals _by Pink Floyd.

* * *

**CHAPTER 1 - MUTE REMINDER**

_If you didn't care what happened to me  
And I didn't care for you  
We would zigzag our way through the boredom and pain  
Occasionally glancing up through the rain  
Wondering which of the buggers to blame  
And watching for pigs on the wing._

Rikuo stared inexpressively at the rain drenched figure standing in his doorway. Neither of them said a word, faces blank, carefully holding back any expression that might betray so much as a flicker of what was going on inside. Shock. That had been Rikuo's first feeling upon opening the door to find Kazahaya standing there, battered and filthy. Then exhilaration at seeing him again when he had long given up hope, and then anger because of all the pain and despair his disappearance had evoked in him. This inner battle did not show on his face but Anger won and he glared at the boy standing in the rain, standing silently.; No apology, no greeting, just a hollow, empty gaze. His presence seemed to say nothing except "I'm here. Reject me, take me in, I don't care either way. I don't care about anything anymore."

Rikuo stepped back from the door to allow the soaked boy into the small apartment above the Green Drugstore. Kazahaya sat down numbly, removed his anorak and peeled the dirty t-shirt from his skin. Rikuo threw him a towel and glanced over, suppressing the urge to hit something when he saw the state of him. Bruises and deep grazes were clotted with filth and his clothes were torn in several places. _Idiot_. _Idiot, idiot, idiot,_ the word circled in Rikuo's mind as he put the water on for tea and began soaking rice; it was obvious that Kazahaya was half starved. Handing him a steaming cup of tea Rikuo sat opposite Kazahaya, silent, intimidating, furious. Kazahaya reached for the cup with his left hand, the other in a soiled plaster cast and completely useless. Rikuo almost flinched when he saw it. The still silence stretched on but neither yet had anything to say.

Rikuo gave him the rice and watched as the boy ate and then finished the tea. Kazahaya's eyes didn't seem to focus on anything. He had looked Rikuo straight in the eyes when he had opened the door but now, he just sat, spaced out, clumsily sipping tea, either ignoring or unable to feel the burning as it scalded his tongue. Eventually Rikuo decided that enough was enough. He didn't like this soulless Kazahaya. He took the empty cup from his hands and said flatly, "Shower. Now. Then go to bed, you look exhausted."

Kazahaya went, his feet following the familiar route, eyes unseeing. Rikuo ran a hand through his dark hair. This was too weird. Why wasn't he spazzing? Kazahaya hated being told what to do. And what had happened to space him out so much? Rikuo began to clear up and thought back to the day his roommate had vanished. Memories he had suppressed came flooding back, each bringing an acute stab of guilt.

One month. Kazahaya had vanished a month ago. They were doing a job for Kakei and that was when Rikuo had broken Kazahaya's hand. It was also when he had realised for the first time just how much his partner hated him.

XXX

They had been sent to retrieve a trinket of little value. It was dawn and Kazahaya was blurry eyed and sleepy as he stumbled off the train, breath coming out in sharp clouds against the pale winter sky. His feet seemed reluctant to obey his mind and refused to stop when commanded so that he ploughed straight into the gigantic back of his partner when he paused outside the house. Rikuo rolled his eyes in intolerance and Kazahaya started to yell.

"Well if you weren't so hugely mutated then I wouldn't have stumbled into you when you suddenly stopped!" He was too tired to think of anything better, so that would have to do. Rikuo smirked.

"Sure, because that's not just some lame excuse to touch me."

"What?! No! I-! How do you manage to make EVERYTHING perverted?!"

Another smirk and Rikuo clamped a hand over his noisy partner's mouth hissing, "Shut up. Do you want someone to catch us?"

Kazahaya glared and Rikuo felt it necessary to comment, "We won't get paid if we don't do this right, so shut up." This seemed to calm the smaller teen a little and, relieved, Rikuo released him and walked into the tumble-down building.

"Jerk," was the whisper behind him and he sniggered to himself. Annoying Kazahaya was too much fun. Sometimes Rikuo thought that it should be made illegal as it was surely bad for his health to enjoy tormenting him so much. Yeah, so maybe he was a little sadistic but Kazahaya didn't really seem to mind. A bit masochistic even. Rikuo glanced behind him and almost laughed at the scowl he received. Yup, masochist.

They wandered through the rooms, dusty, dark, smelling faintly of mothballs and rotting wood. Rotting wood... The floors, the floors were wooden. Rikuo halted instantly.

"Tread carefully. The floors are weak."

Kazahaya's eyes went wide and he took to skipping over parts he thought looked particularly likely to collapse, eventually following Rikuo's path, treading in the footprints left in the dust, scowling at the way his own prints were so much smaller. He hurried to catch up, but was too afraid to run and too afraid to step outside of his partner's tracks so that he was never less than two steps behind.

After a hour of searching they found it. A large wooden doll. It was the same shape and colours as a Russian toy, the kind that opened to reveal yet another smaller doll inside that, and inside that was yet another doll even smaller yet, and so on. Kakei had said that the trinket they were after was inside, but this doll was as big as a small child, how many layers would they have to go through before they found it? Kazahaya moved forwards to seize it, hand outstretched, but found Rikuo suddenly pulling him back.

"Wait," he said, indicating the way the light seemed to reflect away from the air surrounding the wooden object. Kazahaya advanced cautiously and poked a finger through the light. The air felt strangely heavy around his finger, it was like wading through water. He paused and when nothing happened he grabbed the doll with a triumphant, "hah!"

Rikuo stood behind him, watching, as he sat down and began to slowly open the dolls one by one…

XXX

Rikuo heard the sounds of the shower cease and waited until Kazahaya had his back to him before turning around. Now clean and wearing only a large white towel, Rikuo could see the more of the damage that Kazahaya's body had suffered. Swollen lumps, bruises, grazes, split skin… how many times had he been attacked? He watched his roommate push the curtain aside and heard the sound of his wardrobe opening and the scuffle of clean clothes being pulled on. A sharp intake of breath revealed that the action had caused him pain. He closed his eyes. Right, it was time to talk. Kazahaya's sleep could wait.

"Kazaha-" he brushed aside the curtain and stopped. Kazahaya was lying on the bed, staring vacantly at the ceiling. Rikuo stared at him for a while but his presence went unacknowledged. Rikuo found the situation becoming just a little creepy. He waved a hand in front of Kazahaya's face; no reaction.

"Kazahaya, look at me, you baka."

The eyes slid sideways to observe him blankly. Rikuo stared back and then wrenching his gaze away, stumbled out of the room and down the stairs. It was time to tell Kakei that Kazahaya had returned and that something was _very_ wrong.

XXX

Rikuo paused for breath before pushing open the door to the Green Drugstore or at least, he tried to. It took a few seconds before he realised that he'd forgotten his key. Damn. Grinding his teeth in frustration Rikuo turned back to the stairs and began the long climb to the top. A sudden sound made him look up, startled, and his blood turned cold before fear made him flush hot all over. There stood Kazahaya at the top of the stairs, swaying unsteadily. His eyes were glazed and his skin pale, gleaming with sweat.

"Rikuo?" he reached out a hand to the empty air.

"What the hell are you doing, you idiot?"

Kazahaya's unseeing eyes searched for the sound of his roommate's voice and he took a step forwards.

"NO!" Rikuo sprinted up the stairs moving at a speed he hadn't known he could reach.

"What the-?"

Kazahaya was falling slowly, as though the very air around him was thick and unwilling to cooperate with gravity. Rikuo easily reached him before he hit the floor and picking the smaller teen up stared down at the sickly face tucked against his shoulder. He felt himself trembling.

"Rikuo?" Kazahaya's voice was a tiny whisper but it echoed. It vibrated and threw itself back as it sounded across time and space. He sounded like a vision or someone from a dream.

"It hurts."

Rikuo couldn't reply.

"Why... why did you… break…?" his voice trailed away and Rikuo stared in horror at the feverish teen in his arms. That voice, it didn't sound real... but he recognised it.

_Rikuo, why did you break me?_

_I didn't mean to._

_But you still broke me._

_I..._

_It hurts. I'm fading, I'm fading! I don't want to go! No! Don't, don't let-!_

_Kazahaya!_

And he would wake with a jolt, sweat streaming from every pore. Rikuo had dreamed that nightmare over and over again after Kazahaya had disappeared. The dream Kazahaya floated before him, frightened, cradling his smashed hand, eyes wide, pupils dilated with fear. _"Why?"_ he would ask and Rikuo would stutter, unable to utter the apology he knew he needed to say. But the words would stick in his throat and he could only yell as Kazahaya faded away, screaming, into a pile of broken, bloodied bones. Kazahaya had never spoken those words before he left, but Rikuo had read them in his eyes and then they had twisted themselves into his nightmares.

_I'm sorry._

But it was always too late.

Shakily Rikuo began to descend the stairs again. This was too much, he needed Kakei's help. He glanced down at Kazahaya, afraid to admit to himself that he was afraid. The way he moved, the way he talked, those soulless eyes… Kazahaya was hurt beyond his understanding.

At long last he reached the door at the bottom and smashed it open. Kakei and Saiga hastened to where he stood, their expressions horribly out of place.

"I saw him return," Kakei said with a smile, "at long last, this morning, I saw him. We decided to give you some time to talk first." It was then that he noticed the state his employee was in. The smile faded.

"What-?"

Rikuo laid him gently on a seat and stepped back to allow Kakei to look at him.

"Ah," he said after a while.

"Ah? What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think, Rikuo, that you know what is wrong with Kudo-kun."

_It hurts._

"It's my fault."

"Yes."

Rikuo gazed through dark eyes at his partner and understood with a sickening lurch that Kazahaya's mind was no longer in the world

"What do I have to do?"

* * *

Poor Rikuo and Kazahaya. I feel awfully mean putting them through all this but still, the ANGST much be written! Reviews make me write as though the very whips of my masters were behind me! (In a non-kinky way.) 


	2. Echoes of the Past

Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Your comments made me dance with happiness :) (as well as type faster to escape potential thrashings...)

It should be noted that although I am from sunny England, Tokyopop translated the manga into American-English, so in order to keep them all as much in-character as possible, I have kept this spelling in the dialogue. First set of lyrics are _Your Possible Pasts_ by Pink Floyd from _The_ _Final Cut_ album and the second are from _Dogs_ from the album _Animals_. Enjoy!

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**CHAPTER 2 – ECHOES OF THE PAST**

_Do you remember me? How we used to be?  
__Do you think we should be closer?_

_By the cold and religious we were taken in hand  
Shown how to feel good and told to feel bad.  
Tongue tied and terrified we learned how to pray  
Now our feelings run deep and cold as the clay.  
And strung out behind us the banners and flags  
Of our possible pasts lie in tatters and rags._

Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen... The last of the sunlight lingered on the horizon and Kazahaya was little more than a silhouette against the window. Bent over, his careful hands slowly unscrewed each doll, placing the empty shells beside him.

Twenty six, twenty seven, twenty eight… Rikuo watched with growing impatience. An hour later the room was brilliantly lit by moonlight and Rikuo could make out the sharp gleam of his partner's eyes as they focused on the wooden toy in his hands.

Seventy one, seventy two... The summer night wore on. Eventually a bored and irritated Rikuo broke the hour long silence, unable to share in the peace that had descended upon Kazahaya.

"Hey, hand it over and let me do it."

Rikuo's exasperation increased as Kazahaya clutched the Russian doll to him protectively and Kazahaya's noisy temper flared instantly.

"I don't need your help! I can do it myself, thank you very much."

"I can do it faster, you're taking forever."

"Well excuse me for being careful!"

"Look, I can break it, a layer at a time. Move your hand."

"No! I can do it!"

"Move your hand." Damn, Kazahaya could be annoying.

"NO!"

"Just move it!"

"Shut up! You're always telling me what to do! Why can't you let me do it for once?"

"Because _you_ are doing it too slowly! Now let go!"

"NO! I'm sick of you telling me what to do all the time! And I'm tired of you thinking that I'm so useless that you have to follow me everywhere! It's not like I need you!"

"You don't need me? Who was stupid enough to run away from home in the middle of winter? Who nearly drowned in a lake because he couldn't swim? Who ignores all common sense and rushes into weird visions and gets sucked into books? Who yells loud enough to wake the dead at the slightest thing when stealth is essential? Who gets attacked by depressed spirits and can't even work out why? And who saves your sorry ass every time? Who-"

"Well why do you bother then?!"

The wood beneath his hands began to crack but Kazahaya only gripped it tighter.

"Kazahaya, shut up and MOVE IT!"

"NO! If I'm such a pain-"

"Just let go of the bloody doll!"

"No! You don't even care!"

Rikuo lost his temper. He felt something inside of him snap and he lost control. The world went black and he felt the wooden doll shatter, layer after layer, splinters of wood flying in every direction. Somewhere outside in the darkness Kazahaya screamed.

Rikuo was suddenly reminded of the destruction his mind was capable of and he struggled to restrain himself. The wood stopped splintering, the noise died and Rikuo came back to himself, breathing a little unsteadily. It had been so long since he'd lost it like that. It must never happen again. He paused to glare angrily at Kazahaya before glancing around at the broken pieces of doll lying on the floor. Never again.

"See. That took half the time it was taking you. Now let's go."

No reply.

"Hey, idiot. Stop sulking, we need to get back."

Kazahaya's face was white and drawn tight. It was then that Rikuo realised that the doll wasn't all that he had broken. Kazahaya's hand looked hideous; green and purple bruises were slowly staining the pale skin, bloodied pieces of wood had ripped right through the flesh, piercing through to the other side. Then Rikuo realised with a sickening jolt that every single bone was broken. He had felt them crack.

"I..."

Kazahaya shot him a glare of pure hate. Bright golden eyes radiated pain and horror and utter loathing. Rikuo felt a stab as the ferocity reached his heart and he realised what he had done. And at that moment he abruptly understood what he had long disregarded. Kazahaya absolutely hated him.

"...told you to move your hand, idiot."

Kazahaya staggered to his feet and stumbled down the stairs, ignoring the dangerously creaking floor. He looked as though he were about the pass out any moment. Rikuo didn't touch him. He followed a little way behind, the guilt and horror making him cold and distant. He said nothing. When they reached the Green Drugstore Kakei made a shocked sound in his throat and as he guided Kazahaya to a seat, Saiga went immediately to get the car. Rikuo did not enter the room, instead staying hidden near the door, reluctant to listen yet unable to walk away.

Kakei gently eased the remains of the wooden doll from the maimed hand and looked grave not even trying to disguise his worry. The last layer, the tiniest doll, had no head. It had shattered and was buried in the ripped flesh of Kazahaya's hand.

"Oh dear Kudo-kun," he sighed, sitting next to him and producing a tiny bottle of something to help deal with the shock.

Kazahaya drained the bottle, shaking. His head dropped onto Kakei's shoulder and a badly suppressed sob wracked his chest. Kakei gently stroked his hair and that tender gesture, such a stark contrast to the pain and bitterness, was enough to break down the wall and Kazahaya cried. Cries of agony and distress mingled with hot salty tears and Rikuo heard it all. He couldn't block his ears. He deserved this, he deserved to hear the chokes and quiet screams as his partner released all his anger and hatred and hurt, and he deserved to know that he had caused it all. Kazahaya had hated him for a long time. He hated himself even more.

Eventually Saiga appeared next to him and called through the doorway.

"The car's ready. I'll drive." He turned and Rikuo could feel Saiga's gaze piercing him from behind the dark sunglasses.

"We'll talk to you later."

They left, Kakei carrying Kazahaya who had at last passed out from the shock and Saiga followed with a reassuring hand on his lover's shoulder. Kakei glanced at Rikuo as they passed, face expressionless. Rikuo looked back; face also carefully devoid of emotion. Then they were gone and he sank to the floor, his head in his hands.

What had he done?

XXX

_And when you loose control, you'll reap the harvest you have sown.  
And as the fear grows, the bad blood slows and turns to stone.  
And it's too late to lose the weight you used to need to throw around.  
So have a good drown, as you go down, all alone  
Dragged down by the stone._

XXX

Kazahaya returned from hospital two days later, his hand in a pale green cast that came to the elbow. Each finger was splinted and he could not use his arm at all. He did not speak to Rikuo and Rikuo said nothing to him. Kazahaya could not cook for himself, nor could he do the washing up or any of his other chores but Rikuo did them without comment. He received neither thanks nor confrontation. The silence extended. The rift grew wider.

Kazahaya's cast had doodles on it. 'Get well soon' messages and smiley faces from scores of customers adorned the arm, and on the hand were two marijuana leaves signed by Kakei and Saiga (the latter had drawn his with eyes and a smiley mouth and said "get well soon, BOY! Ha ha ha ha!" underneath). Rikuo did not offer to sign it and Kazahaya did not ask. The rift grew deeper.

The days passed and then, one pale morning a week later, Kazahaya vanished. He took nothing except clothes and his savings and he left no note. The Green Drugstore closed early. Kakei strained himself to the point of exhaustion but was unable see him anywhere. Saiga searched for him in his own mysterious way while Rikuo searched the streets and scoured Kazahaya's favourite haunts.

Neither Kakei nor Saiga had spoken to Rikuo about the incident in the end. They had realised how he felt and seemed to hope that understanding would also soon dawn on Kazahaya. But now he was gone and could not be traced. Kakei wouldn't let the police get involved and since Kazahaya seemed to have run away from his previous home, they drew no public attention to his disappearance. But Kakei did not replace Kazahaya's position in the Drugstore.

Eventually Kakei confessed that he could no longer see Kazahaya at any point in time. Apart from their memories of him, to the universe he might just as well have never existed. At night Rikuo thought of his long search for Tsusiko and gave up all hope of ever seeing Kazahaya again. He would rather have died than admit the reason he missed him so much.

XXX

Rikuo sat down beside his unconscious roommate and indulged himself in a sigh. Save Kazahaya. Right. Simple.

"I can't say it will be easy," Kakei said with a small smile. "But at least it is possible."

"Explain to me again how he got like this. Inside the last Russian doll was a 'pocket of time' and-"

"No, not exactly time. A_ memory_ trapped in time. Kudo-kun was supposed to search through the memory using his gift and help the young woman in it. Needing your help he would pull you in with him, you'd solve her final problem and then she would give you the tiniest doll to bring back to me."

"Probably the least complicated task you've ever set," Rikuo commented dryly.

"Yes, but as you are now very well aware, it was also very dangerous. If anything went wrong, such as you or Kudo-kun being unable to work out what to do, then the memory would implode, possibly killing him. As it was when the doll exploded the time pocket, which was acting as a protective shield, also split. This meant that as the wood entered Kudo-kun's skin so did the memory-"

"And the memory has taken over him."

"Yes."

"But why?"

"That woman had serious issues that were not resolved during her lifetime. After she died, her mind could not rest and it kept possessing those who went to visit her grave. It was eventually sealed inside the doll, where Kudo-kun would reach it and I believed that you two would both be able to help her to rest."

"But now the memories are possessing him and I've got to get him out."

"Yes, before she consumes his soul."

"I guess," Saiga interrupted, "you could say that he's a little low in spirit... Ha ha ha ha!"

A frosty silence stretched through the room as Kakei and Rikuo ignored him. Saiga shrugged and appeared to fall asleep again. Rikuo paused before summarising, "so I act as a psychologist, he tells me all his worries, has a good cry, this woman is released and we all live happily ever after."

Kakei smiled a little too pleasantly.

"That makes it sound a little _too_ simple, Rikuo, but yes, something along those lines. Of course, if you don't hurry the memory will possess him completely and destroy the real Kudo Kazahaya. Remember, we do not know how long he has been lost. Time is against us."

"He can't talk. So how-"

"You have go in search of him!" Kakei smiled and there was a significantly sadistic gleam in his eyes.

"What? Go in-? And why do you look so happy about all of this?"

"Don't be silly, Rikuo, you know I am concerned to the utmost about Kudo-kun's safety. Now, you must go into his mind and find him. Bring him back. Destroy the layers, break down the wall."

"Go inside his mind and find him? Seems impossible to me."

"Not quite."

"And how am I supposed to break through these 'layers'?"

"Oh, I'm sure you will understand when you get there. Now go to sleep Rikuo, you'll need all your strength if you're going to invade someone's mind."

"But-"

"Sleep well."

Kakei left, smiling in a 'this conversation is over' way, leaving Rikuo to fume. Saiga placed a supportive hand on his shoulder before settling down to watch Kazahaya. Defeated, Rikuo headed back to his too-empty apartment and drifted into an uneasy sleep.

XXX

Morning dawned pale pink and cold. Rikuo headed down to find Kakei and Saiga waiting for him by the twitching body of his partner.

"Ready?"

"Yes." _No._

"Hold out your hand."

Kakei took it and Saiga handed him something small. It was the broken head of the last and smallest Russian doll. The rich wood was still stained and discoloured. Saiga pricked Kazahaya's finger with a pin and allowed the swell of blood to drop onto the fragment. The fresh blood soaked into the wood, mingling with the old as Kakei looked into Rikuo's eyes.

"Find him, Rikuo, and bring him back, or there will be nothing to come back to."

With those words he pushed the jagged wood deep into Rikuo's hand and then he was falling. The last words he heard were, _"do not remove the splinter from your hand until he is safe."_

The world turned itself inside out and upside down. Rikuo felt as though he were being squeezed inside the tiniest of atoms and yet at the same time floating in an immeasurable emptiness, a vast infinity of nothing that stretched across Rikuo's mind. The darkness was overwhelming, he felt as though he were being crushed.

This place was where Kazahaya's voice had come from. That haunting voice had sounded exactly how Rikuo felt now, as though he were so lost that the words were entirely separate from his body. Rikuo stepped forward waved a hand in front of his eyes. Did he even have a hand in Kazahaya's mind? Where was his body? Was this just an illusion? He wished Kakei had explained better.

Out of the darkness a light appeared, glimmering in the distance. Or was it only a few feet away? Contrary to all he had ever read and seen in films, Rikuo moved towards it. But the distance did not seem to be closing. How long had he been here? A few minutes? Hours? Days? Years? It seemed like eternity. The darkness seemed to oppress his very soul; it was as though it was all he had ever known.

Rikuo wanted to curl up into a little ball and scream. He was drowning, drowning in nothing and everything. He felt his mind begin to cave, hysteria threatening to seize hold. But Rikuo knew that Kazahaya was here somewhere, lost and undoubtedly terrified. He had to go on. Moreover, he feared the consequences of losing control in a place such as this.

The light was suddenly much nearer and brighter. A voice drifted across the void, little more than a whisper, rippling on a still breeze.

"Here..."

"Kazahaya?"

Rikuo's voice didn't sound like his own. He shivered and, seeing no one in view, set out towards the light again. At long last, or was it only moments? Rikuo could see it clearly. The pale light surrounded a shape. A human shape, slender, with an attractive face and beautiful eyes framed by light, unevenly cut hair.

Kazahaya.

* * *

The lesson for today is: Do not piss off Rikuo, he may break your hand and trap you inside your own head. Never fear, this will start making a little more sense soon! And there shall be more dialogue and lots more Kazahaya! 

Reviews make me very happy... (hint, hint!)


	3. The World in Watercolour

Thank you again for all you reviews! I feel quite awed that so many people seem to like this and take the time to say so :) So, without further ado, here is the next chapter for your enjoyment! Lyrics are _The Final Cut_ by Pink Floyd from the same titled album.

* * *

**CHAPTER 3 - THE WORLD IN WATERCOLOUR**

_Through the fish-eyed lens of tear stained eyes  
I can barely define the shape of this moment in time  
And far from flying high in clear blue skies  
I'm spiralling down to the hole in the ground where I hide._

Kazahaya didn't know quite how to react. Shock mingled with confusion and the painful throb of his hand all contributed to make him feel horribly mixed up. A sarcastic remark would have made a suitable greeting considering the circumstances, but as it was he greeted his old roommate with the first thought that jumped into his head.

"Rikuo? What are you doing inside my head?"

Rikuo looked somewhat relieved but if he was afraid or confused, he hid it well. In any case, that irritating smirk was back in place and his voice was full of its usual self assurance. "I've come to rescue you, baka."

_Rescue him_? Whose fault was it that he was here anyway? Kazahaya turned his back and scowled at the air. "I don't remember asking for your help."

"Shut up. Now is not the time to go into how much I annoy you. I've got to get you out of here."

Kazahaya's response went unspoken but Rikuo knew what that silence meant._ You expect me to trust you._

"Look, we don't have much time. I need you to talk to me."

"What?" Kazahaya looked at him as though gone mad.

"Kakei said you have to tell me about your worries or something and then we can get out of here and destroy the memory that's taken you over."

"That's stupid."

"Whatever. Just… start with what happened after you ran away from the drugstore."

Kazahaya made a noise that sounded like, "humph!"

"Do you want to stay here forever? Just tell me, dammit."

"Fine. I left the drugstore, wandered around the city for a bit and my head started feeling funny. I began getting dizzy every so often and then I kept blacking out. I started having weird dreams and one day I just blacked out and found myself here. Occasionally sort of dream and I wander through it until she pushes me back out again."

"I can't believe you sometimes, you get ill and you run _away _from the Drugstore? And is this _she_ the woman who's memory is possessing you?"

Kazahaya bristled. "Yes. _She_ is. She's very nice, she keeps giving off signals like she wants to help me in some way. I said that the best way to help me was to give me back my mind but she just goes away and then I fall into a dream again. They're horrible, like reliving bad memories but I can't change anything. Rikuo, I... I don't like it here." Subconsciously, he clutched his broken hand to him and no amount of acting could hide those petrified eyes.

Rikuo listened to all this with a still face but when Kazahaya cradled his cast to his chest it was enough to let pity and that horrible sense of guilt arise in him again. Pushing the guilt down, he placed a comforting hand on Kazahaya's head.

"We have to help her. Apparently we do that by me helping you but I really don't see how counselling is going to help."

"What? Counselling? Hey, um, Rikuo-" Rikuo's hand was still on his head, fingers lightly entangled in soft hair. He wasn't listening.

"Hmm... maybe if we just-"

They were interrupted by a sudden roaring and Kazahaya panicked.

"Rikuo! It's a dream! Don't- don't leave me!"

The roaring was surrounded them. It was in their mouths, their eyes, their minds. Whatever they were standing on suddenly gave way and Kazahaya reached out as he slipped away. Rikuo grabbed his hand, wincing as the splinter of wood dug deeper into his flesh. He felt warm blood run down his arm and suppressed a shudder, concentrating on holding on to his partner.

The darkness dissolved into hazy colour and the roaring faded and died. They were falling through time and across the border of reality. Kazahaya's memories floated before and all around and another Kazahaya crouched before them, features blurred, trembling. He was sitting in a tree, hands over his ears, muttering.

"Don't let her see me. Please, make her go away."

Shocked, Rikuo glanced at the real Kazahaya who was staring pale faced at his muttering shadow.

"_Kei,"_ he whispered, shifting closer to his partner.

Rikuo had no time to ask either Kazahaya who Kei was because at that moment she appeared herself. A pretty girl in a Kimono appeared in the memory, calling out for her brother. At first she was laughing but as she continued to call and received no answer her voice changed, becoming less pleasant and more demanding. The Kazahaya in the tree was shaking and trying to make himself seem as small as possible.

"Don't let her find me, please don't look up. Just go away."

Rikuo felt the real Kazahaya's grip on his hand grow fiercer. He, too, was trembling. At last the girl left and, slowly, the memory melted away.

Rikuo breathed out unsteadily. "What the hell was that?"

"It's not over yet."

A sudden lurch jolted their bodies forward and once again the colour enclosed them. But this time it was less like a watercolour painting and everything seemed too real; Rikuo could actually feel rough, cracked bark beneath his fingers. They were sitting in the tree but instead of the shadow Kazahaya, the real Kazahaya was sitting in his place, hunched over with his knees drawn up to his chin, eyes screwed shut, hands over his ears, muttering in a terrified whisper.

The pretty girl appeared, calling for him. Rikuo watched his partner becoming consumed by fear and became angry. Who was this girl? Her voice changed and Kazahaya was now almost crying with terror. Rikuo had never seen him like this, so broken, so afraid. _Yes you have. _Shut up. Who was she? Why did she have such an effect on him? Rikuo watched as her eyes searched the grass, the trees, that sweet voice calling and growing annoyed.

The whole branch was now shaking under Kazahaya and, as he shrank even smaller against himself, Rikuo felt his anger sharply increase. The branch beneath him began to groan and crack. Shocked, Rikuo came back to himself. _No, not again_. Why was it that only situations concerning Kazahaya made him to lose control? Well, if he couldn't break something then he would have to solve this logically. He paused and then jumped out of the tree in one swift motion. He landed on his feet with a heavy thud and reaching out, tried to touch the girl's shoulder only to feel his hand passed right through, thickly, as though she were made of treacle. She wasn't real. This was only a memory.

"Excuse me."

She turned.

"He went back into the house. He said he was hungry."

"Ah, thank you." And she left. No questions regarding who he was or why he was there. Just simple acceptance. Puzzled, Rikuo glanced up at Kazahaya.

"She's gone. You can come down now." His eyes met Kazahaya's and he shifted uncomfortably at the open relief.

"You made her leave!"

"Yeah. Now let's hurry up and get out of here."

Kazahaya clambered down, still talking. "She never goes away! Every time she just stands there, calling and calling until everything melts away and I'm in darkness again. But-"

"Yeah, well, I wasn't here those times. Kakei said I had to help you, I guess this is all we need to do."

"Huh? Arrrghh!"

This last sound was a yell as he missed his footing and fell. Instinctively, Rikuo darted forwards, catching the smaller teen before he hit the ground. For a moment he stood there, looking down at his shocked partner who stared at him with wide eyes. They softened as Kazahaya relaxed and Rikuo suddenly felt uncomfortable and annoyed with himself. Unceremoniously, he dumped Kazahaya upright on the ground.

"Um, thank you."

"Thanks for what? I need you to get me out of here, so it doesn't do me much good if you break your neck.

"WH-! Hey! I didn't trip on purpose!" Rikuo rolled his eyes as mutters of "jerk" and "bastard" reached his ears. Rikuo smirked to himself, Kazahaya's annoyed face was such a temptation. He had missed this. He turned suddenly, the action causing the smaller teen to stumble back into the tree trunk. Rikuo followed, face uncomfortably close, enjoying the sight of a flushed and confused Kazahaya. The situation rather reminded him of the scene back at Suiryo school. Mirroring his actions from then, he took several soft strands of Kazahaya's hair and examined them idly. Kazahaya's face flooded crimson.

"Wh- what the hell are you doing?"

Another smirk. "You really need to learn to control yourself better."

Unable to think of an reply, Kazahaya fumed silently and Rikuo grinned, letting the hair fall back into place. Sometimes Kazahaya took his advances a little too seriously. He decided to silence the little voice of reason at the back of his head before it pointed out something he might need to deny.

Abruptly pulling back he ran a hand through his hair, speaking as though the past few second had never passed.

"Right. How to get you out of here. Obviously you couldn't solve these 'problems' yourself because you're too caught up in the memory, so you need someone detached to set it right."

"Ah, no, that can't be right."

"What? Why?"

"Well- ah, no. Nothing."

"Nothing? What d'you mean, nothing?"

"Just forget it, okay?"

"Freak."

"Shut up!"

"Whatever."

As it turned out, Rikuo was partially right, but when the next memory engulfed them and as they watched the strange scene being played out before them, Rikuo realised that things were just a little more complicated. Because this time he was the 'problem' and he was very far from being detached.

* * *

This chapter took so many re-writes! The dialogue was difficult since it was their first conversation since Rikuo breaking Kazahaya's hand and I wasn't sure how Kazahaya would react... Anyhoo, the next chapter will be up soonish although reviews are a wonderful source of inspiration! 


	4. Into the Dream

Wow this took a long time to write! What with A-Level results, moving house and starting university it's all been a bit hectic! Also, I've recently discovered the wonders of Ouran High School Host Club and Death Note and watching/reading that has taken up too much of my time… Ahem. Yes, so please forgive me and enjoy this long overdue update!

Lyrics are from _Your Possible Pasts_ by Pink Floyd from the _Final Cut_ album.

* * *

**CHAPTER 4 – INTO THE DREAM**

_They flutter behind you, your possible pasts,  
Some bright-eyed and crazy, some frightened and lost  
_

_Do you remember me? How we used to be?  
Do you think we should be closer?_

They wandered through the darkness, not knowing where they were headed, unable to see the figure beside them but for the light surrounding Kazahaya. Neither spoke. Glancing at his roommate, Rikuo could see that he was still confused and unsure how to react. Kazahaya had left the Green Drugstore full of hate and anger, striking out for the independence he desired so much, and somewhere along the way he had become so very lost. He had spent weeks alone and terrified; a prisoner inside his own mind. The fear and the hate had what seemed like an eternity to grow and brood.

He had felt it when he caught him in that last memory. As Kazahaya lay, pale and trembling in his arms he had felt the fear. Fear of the girl, fear of his situation, fear of the fall, fear of him. The trust had disappeared. Before it had always been there; through the arguments and the sulking, the insults and the brooding, Rikuo had always known that he would protect Kazahaya and somewhere in Kazahaya's subconscious he must have known too because whenever he had fallen into danger those alarmed eyes would flick to Rikuo, seeking reassurance, courage and, occasionally, Rikuo would look down to find a freaked out teen clutching him as though he were his only salvation.

But now, whatever had made Kazahaya look instantly to him had gone. In the black, empty void of a possessed mind Kazahaya knew only fear and darkness, and he knew that Rikuo had put him there. Now they walked together, side by side, as though Kazahaya's hand was whole and smooth, as though just one screwed up memory had bonded them and helped him to heal and forgive. The silence stretched on.

Rikuo wondered if he should talk about the girl. He felt a little awkward that he had first witnessed and then actually become involved in something as personal as Kazahaya's memory. He wondered if this was how Kazahaya felt when he touched someone; a sense of indecency, invading something so private. It was a strange gift.

"Hey," he said suddenly, making Kazahaya jump a little. "I think we're about to fall into another one."

"Already?"

Rushing wind, light, colour. They fell.

The memory glittered before them and Kazahaya watched anxiously, slowly turning pinker until suddenly bursting out, "Ah! No! Don't look!"

Feeling slightly guilty, Rikuo brushed Kazahaya's hands away from his face. "I'm going to be partof it in a minute, I might as well see."

"Ah, oh. Yeah."

The memory surrounded them then Rikuo found himself mounting cold metal stairs leading to their apartment above the Green Drugstore. He was walking slowly, each step falling heavily. Part of him wondered noted that he was moving in exactly the same way as the vision Rikuo, but it felt completely natural, as though it was what he was supposed to be doing, so he decided not to read too much into it. He opened the door and shivered as the warmth of the small apartment contrasted sharply with the rush of icy air that came gusting through the door.

There were times when Kazahaya looked beautifully pretty. There were times when he looked sexy and many times when he looked cute. Currently, he was a mixture of them all as he sat wrapped in his duvet, watching the small colour TV Kakei had bought to assist them in a job and allowed them to keep. The lights were dimmed and the room flickered with colours from the screen, bathing Kazahaya's intense face in a pale glow.

Rikuo's eyes were fixed on Kazahaya's finger, which was absentmindedly tracing his mouth, occasionally slipping in and being lightly bitten. It was such a childish habit; as though he had not quite been able give up sucking his fingers or thumb, and yet the sheer _implications_ that could be derived from such an action made Rikuo feel just a little tingly.

The smaller teen was so absorbed in his animé that Rikuo felt inclined to smirk. An opportunity for Kazahaya-torment had presented itself. Reaching for the remote he lowered the volume a bit at a time so that the change was barely noticeable. Then he moved silently until he was able to kneel directly behind his smaller partner and putting his mouth to Kazahaya's ear, asked, "What are you watching?"

The predicted reaction was perfect. Kazahaya leapt about three feet into the air, with a yell loud enough to disturb to not only Kakei and Saiga below but half of Japan as well. He landed sprawled on the floor, tangled in the duvet, facing his tormentor.

"You jerk! What did you do that for?!"

"I only asked you a question."

"You didn't have to do it like that!"

"Like what?" Rikuo leaned forwards and Kazahaya leaned back until he toppled over completely with a small "argh!" of surprise. His roommate smirked, leaning over the boy beneath him until their noses almost touched. Something was wrong. Instead of yelling or pushing him off, he simply lay there, unnaturally still, looking up at him with wide eyed uncertainty. Damn. It was not supposed to go like this. Kazahaya was barely breathing, his flushed face barely moving. Rikuo pulled back with a careful grin and looked up at the TV screen.

"Rikuo? What are you doing?"

"Watching TV."

"Can't you sit somewhere else?"

"No. I'm comfortable where I am."

Kazahaya's face was a loud, "well I'm not!" which he ignored.

Rikuo stayed where he was, pretending to disregard his partner's distress, acting as though he were absorbed in the animé. Kazahaya attempted to push him off but Rikuo was large and heavy and he eventually lay still looking up with a flushed face of defeat.

Something suddenly jerked both boys violently forward and they flew out of the dimly lit room back into darkness. Colour rushed past them, roaring filled their ears; it felt as though the very darkness were shattering. Then quite suddenly it stopped and Rikuo was once again mounting the cold metal steps, shivering in the late winter air.

"What the-?"

His feet seemed to move of their own accord, following the path Kazahaya's memory had laid out for him. Up the steps, into the room, the same animé, the same conversation, the same struggle.

_What? Did we do something wrong?_

Kazahaya didn't seem surprised by the sudden replay. Rikuo found himself looking down at the angry eyes and wondered what he was supposed to do. Climb off him? So he did. When Kazahaya shoved, he shifted off him, muttering "alright, alright, calm down."

_There._

He was mounting cold metal steps.

_So that wasn't right either. _

They tried, over and over again. Kazahaya became increasingly frustrated.

"I don't like being pushed over like this you know!"

"Yes you do."

"I do not! Pervert!"

"How was that a perverted comment? It seems that you have an incredibly dirty mind."

"What?! Get off!"

Oh no, this was fun. Leaning over until their noses almost touched again Rikuo smirked inwardly as he heard Kazahaya's breath hitch. Oh yes, Kazahaya liked this a lot more than he wanted to admit. Maybe, just maybe, he should see how far Kazahaya would like it. His face inched closer-

"GET OFF ME!"

Oh well. That was a good reaction too. Stifling a sigh Rikuo slid off the boy beneath him. Kazahaya's scrambled to sit up, face dark red, looking agitated but Rikuo felt very little remorse; there was something deliciously wonderful about making Kazahaya look hot and bothered…

The room began to fade and melt away.

"That was it? I just had to _tell_ you to get off me?"

"Guess so. Hey, maybe this is meant to teach you to be more assertive."

"Well it's a stupid way." There was a pause whilst Kazahaya sulked, then, "Hey! It's not so dark!"

"No, that's not it. Look, you're shining even brighter."

"Is that good?"

Rikuo didn't reply.

"Rikuo?"

"I don't think we have much time."

"Oh."

In a place where time seemed to stretch endlessly across a compressed void they had only a few hours to get out. The darkness seemed heavier. Rikuo gently took Kazahaya's good hand in an effort to comfort him and tried not to flinch when he felt it pulled sharply away again. It seemed that it would take longer than they had to heal Kazahaya's deepest hurt.

* * *

This was a tricky chapter, although my favourite is coming up soon! Huzzah! And yes! There shall be slashy goodness! Reviews are the food of love (and inspiration!) 


	5. Still the Dream is Flickering

At last! A sudden burst of inspiration! Thank you once again to my beloved reviewers! Indeed, I love you all very much. And a particular thanks to my dear Kat for re-lending me Legal Drug (despite my previous 6 month loan!) so I could once again write with joy.

But on to the fiction! Nasty chapter this; I am very fond of it. Enjoy (if you can! Mwahahahahaaaaa!) Lyrics are _Crying Song_ by Pink Floyd from the album _More_.

* * *

**CHAPTER 5 – STILL THE DREAM IS FLICKERING**

_We smile and smile  
We smile and smile  
Laughter echoes in your eyes  
We climb and climb  
We climb and climb  
Footfalls softly in the pines  
We cry and cry  
We cry and cry  
Sadness passes in a while  
We roll and roll  
We roll and roll  
Help me roll away the stone  
_

Another dream. It was the day before Kazahaya's hand had been broken. Rikuo pushed back the heavy curtain separating Kazahaya's room from his and strode over to where his roommate lay tangled in his t-shirt. There was a moment where they both stared at each other and then, as Rikuo opened his mouth Kazahaya snapped, "I _can_ dress myself. It's just that half of it was inside out and I moved backwards and fell over my shoes."

"I see." there was more staring and Kazahaya began to turn red.

"What are you just standing there for?!"

"Do you need some help?"

"NO!"

Sitting up, the smaller teen struggled with the garment until he had it half over his head and his arms were stuck twisted in the air.

At this point their came a grudging, muffled amendment of, "maybe."

Expressionlessly, Rikuo reached out and pulled the t-shirt down again, studying the odd position. The t-shirt was twisted so that Kazahaya's arms were still dangling above his head. He looked so ridiculous that Rikuo couldn't suppress a smirk but as he pulled the orange cotton down past his partner's eyes, his hand brushed against the soft exposed skin of Kazahaya's stomach and a new feeling flooded in.

"Hey! Stop staring! If you're gonna help me then help me!"

Strange feelings, strong, overpowering feelings. Deep, primal sensations that had always been denied and suppresse. At the sight of Kazahaya, vulnerable, flushed, they rose again and Rikuo knew that denial was a waste of time. _Damn._

He shifted closer, running fingers upwards over the soft creamy expanse of Kazahaya's skin. He looked up into wide, startled eyes.

"R-Rikuo!"

His fingers moved up to the edge of the shirt, teasing the fabric and the skin beneath it, causing Kazahaya to jump a little.

"Hey… just, just get it off me, please."

God, what a request!

Rikuo obeyed, taking his time to untwist the material and pull it up over Kazahaya's head. He leaned forward as he did so, gently pushing his partner back down onto the bed until Kazahaya, shirtless and flushed, lay beneath him. Eyes large, wary and looking for all the world as though he hadn't a clue what Rikuo wanted to do next.

Rikuo lay still, eyes searching that guarded face. He knew, surely he knew? He had to. Rikuo was certain that feelings this strong were impossible to keep hidden.

Kazahaya shifted uncomfortably under the piercing gaze of his partner. Why was Rikuo looking at him in such a weird, intense way? Why was he moving closer?

"Ah… thank you?" It seemed the only sensible thing to say. In any case it made Rikuo move away although his reply did not express any form of acceptance.

"You really don't get it, do you?"

"Huh?" Kazahaya certainly didn't understand what the hell he meant by that. Understand what?

"Idiot." And he walked away, leaving Kazahaya feeling cold and stupid and therefore angry and hurt.

"If you think I'm such a waste of space, why'd bother helping me in the first place?!" But it was more of a whisper than a yell and if Rikuo had heard it, he could easily pretend otherwise. Kazahaya glared at the orange t-shirt in his hand and, throwing the crumpled thing onto the floor, pulled on a light green one instead. But when he came out for breakfast, it was covered in strange darker green blotches.

Suddenly, the memory returned them to the darkness and they both collapsed, exhausted to the ground. Sometimes she did that, if she thought that they weren't getting the message or simply seemed to grow tired of them making the same mistakes; they would be thrown out to return to the scene at later date.

Rikuo currently looked ready to snap the next thing that crossed his path and Kazahaya was almost on the verge of tears. Why the hell did all this have to be so _humiliating? _He had relived anger and fear, pain and embarrassment over and over again and that last memory had been by far the worst. They had almost… No. But the way he had just _looked_ at him. They had been so close. It was torture!

"What's the point of all this?!" Kazahaya punched the ground and gasped as a few flakes of plaster floated away. His voice became smaller and he sat hunched over, hiding his face in his knees. "What am I doing here?"

Rikuo made no reply, he didn't trust himself to. It was obvious that Kazahaya was running from a frightened past and that each painful memory, many of which had to be relived more than once before they got it right, was opening wounds, not closing them. And those that weren't about suffering and pain just showed that Kazahaya didn't recognise how Rikuo felt about him. Although whether he didn't want to or was just unable to Rikuo was unsure. Rikuo glared into the darkness. _What are we doing here? What is all this meant to prove?_

This woman was making them relive Kazahaya's fears until Rikuo had saved him or Kazahaya said the right thing. But all this was doing was slowly destroying Kazahaya's mind, it wasn't making him stronger or helping overcome his past, it was just taking him apart, piece by piece.

And suddenly he understood. They weren't re-writing the past. What's done is done, the woman was-

Rikuo never finished his thought because at that moment they were hurled violently into yet another vision. They watched the scene unfold and Rikuo was sharply aware of Kazahaya; face pale, petrified eyes wide. He was also very much aware that his own face looked exactly the same.

"No," he whispered. "Not again, not this time."

Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen...

Twenty six, twenty seven, twenty eight…

Seventy one, seventy two...

_The wood beneath his hands began to crack but Kazahaya only gripped it tighter._

"Kazahaya, shut up and MOVE IT!"

"NO! If I'm such a pain-"

"Just let go of the bloody doll!"

"No! You don't even care!"

_Somewhere outside in the darkness, Kazahaya screamed._

Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen...

Twenty six, twenty seven, twenty eight…

Seventy one, seventy two...

_Again._

Twenty six, twenty seven, twenty eight…

Seventy one, seventy two...

_And again._

Seventy one, seventy two...

_And again._

They tried everything they could think of. Kazahaya let Rikuo open it, Rikuo waited patiently for him to finish, neither of them opened it. But every time Kazahaya's hand was broken. That sickening snap as the bones cracked, that shrill scream, the pinched face, the silent loathing.

Over and over again until Kazahaya retched and vomited, too weak and too terrified to even cry out when his hand splintered for the fifth time. Rikuo couldn't look at him, couldn't touch him, couldn't speak. He felt sick, shaky, and utterly revolted by himself. Kazahaya hated him, he had reason to. They couldn't go on. This had to stop.

He finally understood as Kazahaya moaned when they were thrown back to the beginning. Rikuo finally understood what the memory was doing. It wasn't trying to heal Kazahaya's broken mind. It was slowly killing him.

"Kazahaya."

No reply, just dull eyes, staring blankly back at him as his roommate began to fade away, melting into the light surrounding him as the vision continued around them. He was giving in. Anything to stop the pain. Anything.

"Kazahaya! We can't let it win. We can't. We have to keep-"

_CRACK._ Kazahaya's hand broke again, the already broken bones shattering into splintes.

"We have to keep going. Please, just don't give up."

"Why?" his small voice was hoarse. So much hate, so much anger.

"What?"

"Why? Why should I keep going?"

"What do you mean why?! You actually want to die?!" He was panicking. No, don't panic; calm down, breathe, he's not thinking straight.

The ghost of a smile.

"What have I got to live for?"

The light grew brighter.

"No! Kazahaya! Come back idiot! You can't just give up!"

"Let me go. The memory, the pain, you. One of you will kill me eventually."

Rikuo froze.

"Is that… is that was this is all about?"

_You don't even care!_

"You think I don't care, is that it?"

No reply.

"You idiot."

"I'm just an idiot."

"Oh God yes, you are. If I didn't care, why would I bother saving you every time?!"

"Because Kakei-san sends you."

"Not every time."

"And anyway, if you cared then why did you break my hand? WHY DID YOU BREAK MY HAND?!"

And the tears came again. Rikuo dragged himself over to where his partner lay bleeding and dying. The strangled sobs forced their way out, the horrible choking noises echoing as Kazahaya was further swallowed into the glow. His will to live died as the last bone shattered and Rikuo gripped took his good hand, pressing it hard as though his very touch would pull his partner back.

"Look at me baka. Look at me."

Fading eyes opened and gazed miserably up at him.

"I meant to break the doll, not you. I lost control."

There was a long pause.

"You... you didn't mean to?" The light began to dim.

Rikuo shook his head, the guilt choking him once more as hope dared to surface.

"It still hurts." Kazahaya's voice was cold, and as the light grew brighter Rikuo found panic welling up within him.

_Say it._

"I'm sorry."

"What?" the glow subsided a little more. Shock and disbelief stared back at him, Kazahaya clearly thought his partner incapable of remorse.

"I'm sorry."

"But, I thought you hated me. I mean, you always have to save me, I just get in the way."

"You really are an idiot."

His face was bent low over the tearstained features of his partner, Kazahaya looked as though he might cry again. Rikuo gazed down at him, tense, uncertain. Feverish eyes washed bright with tears gazed back. Slowly drawing nearer Rikuo watched those eyes close as his mouth descended on his. The world melted into white.

* * *

Final chapter coming up very soon!! As always, reviews are the food of thought! Well, actually, chocolate works best but since chocolate cannot be sent by the nice purple button below, I guess I shall have to make do with a review. Alas, such is life! 


	6. The Last Delusion

My beloved reviewers! Thank you for all the cyber chocolate and reviews you sent, as well as being cyber overweight I was joyfully inspired! At last, here it is, the final chapter! Enjoy!

* * *

**CHAPTER 6 – THE LAST DELUSION**

The light burnt Rikuo's eyes as they soared through the strange fire that had surrounded Kazahaya. The smaller teen had had at long last been released from his pain and had passed out, now looking perfectly peaceful. Rikuo rather resented him for that. What in hell had made him kiss him? Now things would be awkward and Kazahaya would probably ask questions or get jumpy around him and… _and now he had tasted him, now he knew how those soft lips felt, knew what it was to become utterly lost_ _in a pleasure he had craved far more than chocolate, now he knew what it was to feel that heartbeat pounding beneath him, that slim frame trembling... _having given in and taken these things, would he be able to stop himself taking them again?

For how long would Rikuo be able to live with Kazahaya, knowing there was always the possibility that this carnal instinct might take him over at any minute? But back in Kazahaya's room, as he had pressed him down, tangled in his t-shirt on the bed and touched that deliciously soft, creamy skin… At that time Kazahaya hadn't resisted, he hadn't struggled. He had lain still, eyes wide and unsure, but not hostile.

Running a hand through his dark hair, Rikuo closed his eyes against the light and allowed himself a deep sigh.

"Dammit. He's going to realise before long, even he's not that dense."

"No. he's not."

Opening his eyes sharply Rikuo found himself lying on a sofa opposite Kazahaya, his hand entwined in his, the splinter of wood pressing harshly into his bruised flesh. The anxious but smiling faces of Kakei and Saiga were bent over him and as Kakei eased his stiff and aching hand out of Kazahaya's, Rikuo breathed a sigh of relief.

"Will he be okay?"

"He just needs plenty of rest."

Saiga grinned down at him and Rikuo nodded before passing out himself from mental and physical exhaustion.

XXX

Rikuo opened his eyes again and found himself staring at a familiar ceiling. Shifting slightly he realised he was back in his own bed. There was a smell of butter and eggs drifting under the door. Kazahaya was cooking. _Kazahaya._ Suddenly sitting up he ignored the dizziness that threatened to topple him, threw back the covers and strode to the kitchen. There stood Kazahaya, his hand free of its cast, cheerfully cooking breakfast, humming tunelessly. Gathering up a plate he turned, oblivious to Rikuo's presence until the last minute.

"ARGH! Rikuo! Don't_ do_ that!" Eggs tumbled onto the floor, unnoticed by the chef. His shock was replaced by an awkward smile, accompanied by an equally embarrassed, "Hi."

"Are you alright?"

"Yes."

"Thank God." Rikuo slumped to the floor and buried his face in his hands.

"Ah, um, I made breakfast."

Rikuo tried not to glance at the eggs cooling on the floor and settled at the table opposite his roommate. They ate in silence and carefully looked at other things; Kazahaya seemed very interested in his eggs and Rikuo frowned down at his own. Once the short meal was over Rikuo went to shower, his head buzzing. This felt strange, so surreal. Were they still trapped in Kazahaya's mind? Was this another memory? But Rikuo didn't remember this and Kazahaya's hand was slightly scarred and very pale as a result of spending weeks in a cast.

This was going to be difficult. How was Kazahaya feeling? Did he still hate him? Had he forgiven him? Had he already realised? Did he understand? Pulling on a pair of clean jeans and t-shirt Rikuo made his way back out to the living room, towelling his hair dry.

Kazahaya was sitting cross legged on the floor and looked up as he heard the telltale door creak as his partner entered room. His face was set determinedly in a manner that suggested whatever he was going to say next had better be agreed with or much yelling would ensue.

"Rikuo, Kakei-san said we should... we should talk. About what happened."

Silently Rikuo joined his roommate on the floor, his green eyes boring into Kazahaya's, his anxiety making him moody and his habitual frown well settled into place. Kazahaya did his best to explain.

"Right. Well, um. The wood from the doll went into my hand when you broke it-"

"I apologised."

"I know! Don't interrupt! Anyway, the woman, memory, thing, Kakei-san said she was some kind of spirit, trapped me in my head and took over my mind. She wanted to kill me so that she could take over my body but Kakei-san said he didn't realise that until I came back after I ran away. So he sent you in to fetch me but I... I didn't trust you anymore, because, because one minute you're_ always _there, whenever I'm stupid or in trouble, and then you hurt me and acted like I'd driven you to it and I thought that you really didn't care and that I was just a nuisance and that was why I'd left. And even though you came to get me, you just behaved as if the whole thing was another side job we'd been sent on and-"

"Alright, alright, stop rambling. So, how come we're out now? What did we do? I thought you were going to die at one point."

"I, ah, realised something and the memory couldn't use my fears or doubt to control me anymore so she just... left."

_Oh, crap._

"And that's it?"

"Yeah. Pretty much." Kazahaya rose hurriedly and headed towards his room. Leaving Rikuo sitting there, feeling rather annoyed.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"Kakei-san's given us the week off to recover and Saiga-san's covering for us so I'm going for a walk. See you!"

Kazahaya grabbed his coat and scarf and headed for the door, pulling them on as quickly as he could but putting his arm in the wrong sleeve in his haste. Rikuo scowled. He's be damned if he was just going to let it go like this. He surged up and marched towards his partner, analysing the panicked look, almost rolling his eyes at Kazahaya's inability to subtly conceal his discomfort.

"Well, I'll be back soo-" His words were cut short as Rikuo pulled him back, shut the door and pinned him to it. The scarf and the coat slithered from his grasp and dropped to the floor and a pink faced Kazahaya glared up at his partner with all the fire he had. The fire vanished when Rikuo leaned down and whispered in his ear.

"That wasn't a proper explanation."

"Ah... oh. It... it wasn't?"

He was trembling. This was better, this was a familiar situation. Rikuo smirked and leaned down again to whisper, "Why don't you tell me what it was you realised?"

"Oh, it was nothing really… just that, I, ah..."

He was trembling, fingers tightening on Rikuo's arms where he'd grasped him in an effort to heave the bigger teen off. But Rikuo's face was so close and his gaze was so intense... it was impossible to think straight. Rikuo read those heated, hazy eyes in an instant and once again watched them close in silent bliss as he silenced the stuttering teen the best way he could think of. His mouth moved slowly over Kazahaya's, and almost grinned when he received a tentative response. The hotness within surged up, the desire to possess, to own and to ravish him senseless rose hot and strong. Feeling unsure fingers tangling in his hair, Rikuo kissed him harder until Kazahaya was breathless and clutching him, dizzy with need for air and flushed with desire.

Rikuo smirked down at him. "Did I explain it better?"

Kazahaya looked mildly annoyed and then his expression changed to a mischievous grin of his own.

"No, I still think _I_ can explain it better." And much to Rikuo's surprise, Kazahaya kissed him, knocking him over backwards so that Rikuo lay on the floor with a very flushed and desirable looking Kazahaya on top of him.

"Oi!" Rikuo exclaimed, annoyed at this turn of events. He rolled over, pulling Kazahaya under him. "That's better."

"Hey, how come you get to be on top?"

Rikuo grinned down at him. "Because." He kissed him again and Kazahaya decided he really didn't have much reason to protest.

XXX

Several floors below, Saiga lay with his head in Kakei's , enjoying the feel of his lover caressing his hair.

They both looked drained, neither having had much sleep since their spazziest employee had vanished.

"It looks like they're going to be alright." Saiga's voice was not as heavy as it had been.

"Yes."

"The kid got beaten up pretty badly while he was lost, though he says he doesn't remember how it happened."

"My guess is that while he was hovering between this world and the other, his dreams seemed so real that his body reacted as it would in reality. I blame myself, I should have recognised that spirit for what it was."

"She was powerful and they beat her in the end. Besides, it's settled a lot of his fears too."

Kakei sighed. "Yes, he'll be alright. And I think that Rikuo will start to heal too, now that he's not battling inner demons regarding Kudo-kun anymore."

"Do you think we'll ever be able to find Tsusiko for him?"

"We shall have to see. But for now, it's enough that they know they have each other."

Above them Rikuo and Kazahaya lay sleeping, tangled within each other's arms, Kazahaya's face pressed against the warmth of Rikuo's chest through his t-shirt. Somewhere deep within Rikuo's dream, the guilt stirred and the sound of bloodied bones snapping and a shrill scream startled him into wakefulness. Shaking, he glanced down at the sleeping teen beside him, soft hair tousled on the pillow, features calm. He entwined a finger in Kazahaya's green cotton t-shirt and his eyes closed again. The guilt and the memories might take a lifetime to erase but, for now, just to have him here beside him, it was enough.

XXX

_You know that I care what happens to you  
And I know that you care for me  
So I don't feel alone...  
Or the weight of the stone._

* * *

And that's the end. A huge thank you to my beta, Katca Mcadar, and to all of my lovely reviewers. Thanks again for reading and please tell me your thoughts! 


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